From emails to five times table. Back to emails via the EU – by Peter Bone MP

8.30am: Get into Westminster office and switch on computer. Hundreds of wretched emails flood in. Start suffering from email rage. Emails and letters received from constituents are of equal importance and are answered in the order they are received. Frustrating then, that you get another email a day later asking why you haven’t solved a problem within 24 hours. Person who invented email should at least be sentenced to 10 years hard labour.

Next to the Commons Chamber for a six hour marathon on the EU and giving away our sovereignty to Europe. Can’t call it a six hour debate though. Four and a half hours of time allocated spent on a talking shop. In the remaining one and a half hours only, MPs are allowed to debate the actual Bill where amendments are made.

Time allocated is so small that we don’t actually reach most amendments and back benchers unable to speak because the time runs out. What a complete lack of democracy.

During division at the end of the talking shop, mobile phone goes off. Having just spent four and a half hours listening to Government distorting truth about the EU and listening to proposals which will give away our sovereignty, it’s the wife on the phone. Real issue to deal with concerning her total well being. Thomas, our seven year old son has been asked to redo his five times table despite Thomas knowing it off by heart.

Tom summoned to the phone: ‘What’s five times five?’ ‘Twenty five dad.’

‘What’s three times five?’ ‘Fifteen dad.’

Explain to wife I have to go and save our country from European domination. Spend further one and a half hours getting nowhere with the Government on the EU.

11.30pm: Back to Westminster flat.

11.40pm: Phone call from wife. Oh no, not more five times table. No. This time she was phoning me with email details of how to contact our eldest son, RAF pilot who’s just gone to Afghanistan.

Instant forgiveness for man who invented email. Get him out of jail and give him a medal.